Ever since I was little, I always dreamed of my wedding day. Meeting the perfect man, walking towards him down the aisle, and living happily ever after. But I also thought as far as after the wedding. I dreamed of being the perfect wife.
I know that is not achievable: nobody is perfect. But I knew I could be an excellent one when my time came. I just had to work for it. This started me on a journey of searching for marriage advice.
Once I was engaged, I read and studied the Bible on what a biblical wife looked like, what my role was once the vows were exchanged and the ‘I do’s’ were done. It was important for me to understand what the scriptures said about the responsibilities and tasks that the Lord has created and assigned to us wives, what we were supposed to do and be for our husband.
⇒The Search & What I Learned⇐
I spoke to other married women, some decades into their own marriage, asking for their wisdom on becoming a biblical wife.
The marriage classes our church was offering at the time that we attended helped a lot, too. I gained all this wonderful knowledge and have applied it to my relationship from day one.
I’m coming up to my one year anniversary in a few months, so I won’t be able to say I’m a newlywed wife for too much longer. With all the marriage advice, experience, and knowledge I’ve accumulated over this period, I wanted to write it all out for other newlywed wives to learn from.
These pieces of marriage advice are short and sweet. You will not only read on how to be an excellent wife to your husband, but you will feel valued, and know that you are fulfilling your role as a biblical wife, the way that God designed for you to be.
Marriage Advice for the Newlywed Wife:
Being a Biblical Wife the Way God Intended for You To Be
⇒Always Speak Kindly⇐
Use kind words and never belittle or discourage your husband. Never raise your voice, even in anger, no matter how upset you are. Yelling will get you nowhere, and there is no point in being defensive. There are no teams in marriage; there is just the one that you are both a part of.
Be thoughtful and courteous, value his opinion, consider and meet his needs, and admire him for his leadership and wisdom.
“Wives, place yourselves under your husband’s authority. This is appropriate behaviour for the Lord’s people. Husband’s, love your wives, and don’t be harsh with them.” – Colossians 3:18-19
“But every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands.” – Ephesians 5:33
⇒Encourage Each Other⇐
Show encouragement and be supportive. It is the best feeling for your husband to know that his best friend is also his cheerleader. If he knows his wife is behind him, he will do the same in return.
⇒Be a Helper⇐
Help your husband. God created woman specifically to be there for the man. He saw that we are valuable and that we bring a unique strength into the marriage.
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him.” – Genesis 2:18
⇒Let the Little Habits and Irritations Go⇐
All those pesky habits your husband has, those little things that irritate you, let it go. Remember it is only a small part of your spouse’s personality. Do not force your partner to change, and remember that you married him for who he is. If it didn’t affect you when saying yes to the proposal and the exchange of ‘I do’s’ at the altar, it shouldn’t suddenly be a big deal afterwards.
Patience ties in with letting go of those habits and irritations. You cannot improve your spouse by forcing him to change according to what you want him to be. He will have characteristics that resist being changed. As a couple, you must learn to work around those habits and be patient with each other. If you get upset about something, do not confront him in anger. Calm down and wait for the right time to discuss the issue with him.
Be patient when your husband changes as a person as the years go on.
When the marriage hits a rough patch, do not throw in the towel and think of divorce. Work together, remain patient, until you emerge on the other side. You will get to a point where you begin to value your marriage and learn to appreciate each other again.
“Be humble and gentle in every way. Be patient with each other and lovingly accept each other.” – Ephesians 4:2
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⇒Always Be Thankful⇐
As the leader and head of the household, your husband needs to hear this often. He works hard to provide and care for the family, so it is only fair to say thank you every day. Be sure also to tell him how much you appreciate all the work he does.
⇒Apologize When Needed⇐
If you know you did something wrong, made a mistake, or said something inappropriate, be sure to apologize. Do not say it out of necessity, though, and know when it needs to be said without overdoing it. You should not get to the point where the word begins to lose its meaning. Do not say it in the midst of an argument, either. If needed, take time to reflect and think alone, sleep on it even, before you come back and discuss the issue calmly with each other, and then apologize.
⇒Forgive Freely and Often⇐
If your husband apologizes to you, do not drag it out and make him wait for forgiveness. Let it go and forgive him.
“Put up with each other, and forgive each other if anyone has a complaint. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13
⇒Keep the Flame Alive⇐
Intimacy is essential, even long after the honeymoon. Accept your husband’s advances, and also put forward your own. Understand that you are now one person and that God created this special act for husbands and wives to enjoy each other.
“Don’t withhold yourselves from each other unless you agree to do so for a set time to devote yourselves to prayer.” – 1 Corinthians 7:5
“That is why a man will leave his father and mother and will be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24
⇒Give Each Other Space⇐
When the other needs time alone or some space, give it to them. There is no need to be attached at the hip at all times now that you’re married. Giving space is a positive thing and it is actually quite healthy. In some cases, it can even bring you closer together.
⇒Surround Yourself with People Who Are Supportive⇐
Surround yourself with people who support your marriage. Being around those who do not will only put doubt and negative thoughts into your mind. Don’t let those who don’t believe in marriage, or getting married young, or the desire to start a family, try and control how you should live your life. It’s your choice, not theirs.
And trust me, there are plenty of people out there that do support you!
Always pray with your husband. Not only should you pray together as a couple, but also pray for him. Pray for safety as he drives to work, that he has a good day and for things turn in his favour, for any worries he may have, and of course, to keep his heart turned toward God.
There are so many more pieces of marriage advice I could write, but then this post would go on forever. In summary, it is important to include God in your marriage, and know that He is number one in the relationship. Listen to his Word, read and follow the Scriptures. They are given to us wives as a guide to help us succeed in our marriage. Do not assume and think that by following these words of advice, that you are weak and submissive. Submission is a sign of strength, and we are strong, confident, and courageous women of God. It should be our desire to please and be under our husbands’ leadership, just as he is under the authority of God and the church.