As young wives, we want the beautiful, fairytale ending, our happily ever after. We dream of being the princess waiting for her knight in shining armour to come and sweep her off her feet. But the movies and storybooks never show you what happens after you ride away with your prince into the sunset. You don’t see what married life is like, and there aren’t always sequels to the stories you hear. How do you know Cinderella didn’t get a divorce? Or what if Snow White is unhappy in her marriage?
Once the wedding day and all those festivities leading up to it are completed, it is now just the two of you. If you thought that being in the dating/engaged stage of a relationship and planning a wedding was work, married life is a whole different ball game. Unfortunately, there are couples out there, especially young couples, who do not fully understand just how much effort you need to put into a marriage. It is not always going to be all rainbows and butterflies! But guess what, it can be! Well, at least most of the time, but as I said, it will take work.
As I approach my first wedding anniversary, I gained a lot of valuable marriage advice from other wives, especially in the beginning of my marriage. I learned many valuable things through personal experience, and found what works for my relationships, and helped us to achieve a healthy and successful first year of marriage, building a foundation along the way for the years ahead.
However, it’s not always a guarantee that the first year will be successful, or the next, or the one after that. Marriage takes work from both partners. As long as each partner is doing their part in the relationship, you are already on the path to success.
I gathered together the most valuable marriage tips and advice that I would like to share with you beautiful ladies, so that you can, too, learn what it takes to have a healthy relationship, and hopefully, be able to apply some of these into your own marriage.
Pray For Your Husband Everyday and Yourself!
Pray as your husband leaves for work in the morning, as he goes to sleep at the end of the day, and especially together as a couple. Prayer is so powerful because the words themselves have power! A little prayer goes a long way.
And pray for yourself, as well! Pray that you have a good day, for safety as you run your errands for the day, for wisdom to be a better wife and mother, or for protection from any negativity trying to get into your mind and into your marriage.
Look for Different Ways to Shower Him With Love
Men appreciate the little things we do or say. Something as simple as making him a snack before bed without him having to ask, or surprising him with some freshly baked goods when he comes home at the end of the day will put a smile on his face. Give him an opportunity to relax at some point in the day. These are a few examples as to how you can show your husband that you love him. The little things that we think don’t matter, do.
Don’t Complain, Nag, or Play the Blame Game
The biggest piece of marriage advice for young wives that I want to emphasize is nagging your husband and being aggressive will get you nowhere. Complaining or playing the blame game will only start the path of resentment towards you, which in time may even kill his attraction towards you. Nagging, blaming, and being aggressive is total masculine energy. This is of many one reasons why men either call it quits and want a divorce, or go out and cheat on you (also a leading cause for divorce).
As the wife, we are the helper in the relationship. We should not force our husbands to take the back seat and belittle him. Know that you, too, need to take personal responsibility and cannot throw your husband under the bus every time something happens. Think about what you can do on your part, and open up the way for communication.
Approach the situation in a kind way. Think of it like being as smooth and sweet as honey. A little reminder or a simple explanation will be enough to get the point across without being aggressive. Do not try to convince him to see things your way or change his view or opinion. This is a very masculine trait and is not attractive. You cannot change a man’s mind. It is not your job to do so and you are not his mother. You can lightly direct him in the right direction and plant the seed, but that is all.
I’m not perfect myself; sometimes I do let out a snappy remark or comment. I realize my mistake and apologize soon after.
If he is at fault, don’t yell at him about it, communicate instead. It is most likely that he either forgot or did not realize what he was doing. Communication is the absolute key. Remember, be sweet as honey, and he will be more likely to listen.
Surround Yourself with People Who Support You As a Couple
Avoid people who are not encouraging or supportive. You do not need their negative energy surrounding your bubble of love and happiness.
Protect Your Marriage
The outside world will try and put doubt into your mind. It will try to drive a wedge between you and your husband. Is he the right one? Did I make the right choice? What if everyone is is right about my marriage is doomed to failure? Never. Give. Up.
This is where the first valuable tip I gave of prayer comes into play. When times get hard, work together to make things right again. Pray to God for wisdom and guidance. God wrote your love story and put you together for a reason, so hold onto each other and do not let the world ruin your relationship with its lies and negative words.
Give Each Other Space
The great part of being married is spending time with your best friend every day! But as humans, we need a break at times. Go out with the girls, let him play video games with the guys, plan a weekend getaway. Whatever it may be, time apart is healthy and gives you the chance to miss each other, which will bring you closer together as a couple.
Be Sure to Have Time to Focus on You
Another piece of marriage advice for young wives is finding time to focus on yourself. It’s so important to know that even though you are married, this does not mean you
1. Let yourself go and stop taking care of yourself.
2. That all your time, energy, and attention is for your husband only.
It’s okay and even necessary to treat yourself. Go shopping and buy some new clothes, dye your hair, or go to the gym and work out. Taking care of yourself will not only build confidence in yourself, but your husband will appreciate that his gorgeous wife practices self-care.
Also, take care of yourself mentally. Your mindset is connected to the energy you omit to the world around you. If you have negative thoughts, fear, resentment, anything like that, it will be projected into your marriage.
Being married does mean that it is no longer about you. Yes, you are now a partnership, but don’t think that you need to dedicate all your time and energy to only your husband. If anything, this will eventually begin to bother him. You start becoming too clingy and needy, and you could end up over-giving. It may even get to the point where he is so annoyed by it, and his love begins to fade. Another attraction killer. Yikes! Need I even say that this is yet another path down a particular road?
You need to find a healthy balance where you think about the other person and consider their thoughts and feelings, but also know that you are important, too! When you take care of you, love yourself, and see that you are valuable and thrive in your femininity, you will be able to focus on taking care of your home, family, and husband.
Your husband will love on you and shower you with affection when you are in this energy. He will continue treating you like the Queen you truly are because you are taking care of you!
Go On Date Nights
Monthly date nights are very important, especially when you are married. Go out to dinner and try a new restaurant, have a board game night, or even go on a walk together. It keeps things fresh and breaks you out of routine. And sometimes you just want to get out of the house and enjoy a night out with your husband, especially if you have children.
Communication is honestly the number one trait and another significant piece of marriage advice for young wives to utilize. Speak with your partner often, discuss finances, budgets, upcoming events, and anything else on your mind that you think is important for your husband to know.
If something is bothering you, tell him! Don’t bottle it up! If you do, you will eventually blow up, and he won’t see it coming. And we don’t want to blow up and become aggressive, right ladies? Best to tell him while you’re still calm and relaxed.
If he asks you whether something is wrong, don’t say, “Nothing.” Tell him! Sit down and talk together. Keeping silent and not communicating with your spouse can cause harm (such as trust issues) in your marriage.
Forgive and Apologize Freely
If you made a mistake or said something wrong, apologize. If he did something and apologizes for it, forgive. Do not hold anything over him, do not bring it back up in the future. You apologize, forgive, and forget. Easy as that.
If it is a situation where a discussion needs to happen, then sit down and talk about it. If you need to walk away from each other and sleep on it, then so be it. Sometimes you need to be apart and think things over. It’s honestly better to take a break then let the conversation escalate to the full out argument.
Respect Your Husband
Show respect to your husband. He is the leader, the provider in the family. Value his opinion when it comes to decisions, consider what his needs are and be thoughtful. A man wants nothing more than respect from his wife. He wants to know that she values who he is not only as a husband but as a man, too.
Express Gratitude and Appreciation
Men love it when a woman expresses her gratitude and appreciation when he does something for her. They love the recognition. He brings home a bouquet of flowers, say thank you. He makes you breakfast in bed, say thank you. Watered the garden or did the dishes even though he didn’t have to, say thank you. Men love to please, men love to give. It’s wired in them to do so. Take it, embrace it, and show your appreciation for the work and little things he does for you and for the family.
Bonus Tip!: The Word of God is the Best Book for Marriage Advice
When times get tough and things are not working out between the two of you alone, you can definitely turn towards a marriage counsellor or a neutral third party for advice. However, if you want truth, guidance, and wisdom, reading the Word of God and studying the scripture can help you get back to what a marriage is really about. God created marriage. He made man and woman and created us in our own unique ways to work together as a couple. It is the best book to go to for advice.
No one is perfect, and no marriage will ever be perfect. We are flawed human beings, but as long as we hold ourselves accountable, help our partner grow, as well as take care of ourselves, you will find a balance in your marriage that will lead you on the path to success.