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Before you exchange the rings and the vows with your future husband, there are some very important things to discuss with him before you tie the knot, and I mean deep, raw, and personal things.
Of course, some of these topics may have been brought up in passing or general conversation when dating. You may “think” you know what he wants or expects after the wedding.
But then it turns out that the wife is in credit card debt.
The husband doesn’t want children.
The wife had a traumatic childhood.
The husband has issues and fears from his previous relationship.
It can honestly be anything along those lines, but you see what I’m getting at.
Of course, there are several more topics that should be discussed together before you walk down that aisle and exchange vows.
However, I narrowed it down to the 6 main ones that you I personally encourage and must be discussed with your future husband before the big day.
Things to Talk About Before You Tie the Knot: 6 Important Topics to Discuss Before ‘I Do’
This topic was honestly one of the hardest for me to discuss with my fiancé (now husband), because the topic of money makes me uncomfortable. But no matter how awkward and uncomfortable you may feel, you need to discuss finances beforehand.
If you’re in some type of debt (credit card, student loans, car loans, etc.) make this known to your partner!
When you are married, you do inherit your partner’s debt. The debt is something that you can both tackle together as a couple, and come up with a game plan to quickly reduce and eliminate it.
This is so important to talk about so that your partner knows what financial situation you are currently in since they are now in it with you.
Discuss what you earn in your job(s), whether it’s weekly, monthly, or yearly, so that you aware how much money you each earn individually, as well as find out the overall total earned between your two incomes, and you will be able to see what lifestyle is affordable, and even make some long term goals and decisions as a newly married couple.
But remember, once the rings are exchanged, your income is now shared. It is no longer a “your money, my money” situation. It is both of your money, not his and hers, not yours and mine. Both.
If you plan on not working any longer and becoming a stay-at-home wife, or eventually a stay-at-home mom, then this next point is for you.
This then leads to making various budgets, especially if there is only one income.
Create budgets for groceries, clothing, essentials, and entertainment. Make a plan on how much to spend on each category for the month. And be sure you are still putting money into your savings. Also make sure that your main bills such as rent, mortgage, insurance, and whatever else is a monthly or by-monthly expenses, are covered.
Also, talk about bank accounts, and more specifically, joint bank accounts. Remember what I mentioned above about it no longer being “your money, my money”? Definitely discuss what the plan is regarding where the money will be sitting.
Are you going to create a new bank account together? Will one of you, such and your husband, add you to his? Will there be a joint account but also your own separate ones?
In our situation, my husband added me onto his bank account, since he was earning more money than I was, and he had substantial savings, and at this point, we made the decision together that I would be staying home, so it made sense for me to join into his.
However, I did end up keeping my own bank account from another bank, just for smaller purchases or for when I sell stuff online. We also have joint credit cards and our own credit cards. This is what works for us, and we are very open about our finances.
If one or both of you have a separate savings account, make sure to put the other as the beneficiary (this will be important in the case of an emergency.)
Overall, be sure to agree that when it comes to money, you will manage it together.
I feel like this is a very important topic to talk about before you tie the knot.
I cannot seem to understand those stories I hear of a couple who get married, and then one finds out the other has no desire for children and had no idea! This, unfortunately, usually ends in a divorce.
It is essential for both partners to be on the same page when it comes to having children. Be sure to ask each other a lot of questions!
How many children would you like? What type of parenting style do you prefer? Are we going to raise them on a specific religion? Home school or regular school? Adoption? Do you even want children?
Communicate and come up with a plan or compromise with each other. Be sure to bring it up again for when the time for having children arrives.
Tell All Your Secrets
Have you ever heard of that saying, “Hide your flaws, until after the wedding”? This is basically the same thing, but with secrets. Tell each other everything. Everything! You should not keep any secrets from your partner.
Reveal every ugly thing you have done, something you’ve been hiding, or any thoughts you have kept to yourself that may or may not involve your soon-to-be spouse. It is best to get it out all out in the open now instead of it coming out after the wedding.
If you’ve heard something your partner said that bothers you, or anything you both do not agree on – family, finances, things of that matter – it is much easier to break up an engagement then to pay for an expensive wedding and then a divorce on top of that.
But have no fear! If your partner truly loves you (which I hope they do if they are marring you), they will not judge you and will openly listen to what you have to say. Hopefully, by the end of this conversation, you’ll both feel closer to each other than ever before.
If you’ve had relationships that had gone wrong, a bad break-up, or some sort of childhood trauma, communicate that with your partner. These types of things can carry on into your marriage and cause damage if sprung on your spouse out of nowhere.
Again, if your partner loves you, they will not judge and will listen and be understanding. They will stand by your side as you get any help that is necessary to overcome those fears or trauma.
What are your dreams and goals? What would you like to work towards and achieve? Perhaps you can even merge your goals and dreams together, or just support, encourage, and even help your partner achieve theirs. Talk about what you want the future to look like, where you want to be and strive towards.
Even though it is best to be in the moment and think more about the present, it doesn’t hurt to think into the future and see if your goals and dreams line up together.
Now every couple is in a different stage when it comes to intimacy in their relationship. For myself, I made it known right from the beginning what my limits were when it came to intimacy. My values were respected, so that put us on the same page instantly.
When we got engaged, we discussed again what our sexual relationship would be like once married. Let your partner know if you have any limits or boundaries. Continue to respect each other’s wishes within the marriage, too.
If there is anything else you think you must discuss with your soon-to-be husband or wife before you tie the knot, do it! I wish you the best in your marriage, and many blessings to both of you, as you take on this crazy adventure called life together.